Still Waiting
by sarpotter
Summary: CHAPTER 5 UP 7/10/02 Post-Deadalive. Mulder's back, Scully's pregnant, what could happen? Ok, so I'm rubbish at summaries, but please r & r!!!!
1. Musings

Disclaimer: M, S and all other characters and X-Files related material are not mine and officially belong to Chris Carter etc.  
  
Chapter 1 - Musings  
  
"Mulder…I know when you said to me that I made you a whole person, that I saved you, you were telling the truth. But I have still always felt that I have held you back, and now I realize that more than ever. I just want you to know that I have never, and will never, blame you for what has happened to me. What happened on that morning was not your fault. God, if we had left just one second earlier, just one second, none of this would have happened. It destroyed me, it destroyed you…your beautiful mind…"  
  
  
  
1.1 3 Weeks Earlier  
  
1.2 Mulder's apartment, 7:00pm  
  
"Mulder, just when I think I know everything about you…that I've got you all figured out…you go and do something like…like…"  
  
"Like what, Scully? How can anything I do surprise you?"  
  
"Oh come off it, Mulder! Antenatal classes? You never fail to surprise me."  
  
Scully kicked her shoes off and slowly sat down on the leather sofa, laughing softly. When she looked up, Mulder was leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed. "And which part of the session did you find the most amusing?"  
  
Scully looked into his eyes and tried to contain the fit of giggles that was about to overcome her. "Well, I think it was the panting that did it for me," she confessed, trying hard to look serious, but the innocent look on Mulder's face made her dissolve.  
  
Mulder looked at his partner, wriggling around on the sofa, and his mouth curled into a smile. "Well, I was just trying it out for myself! Childbirth is one gift I will not be blessed with in life. Anyway," he said, suddenly looking disappointed, "I thought I did pretty damn good…for a guy whose nickname is 'Spooky.'"  
  
She looked up at him, and their eyes met in a gaze that only they could understand. "Thanks for doing this with me Mulder. Thanks for being here." He didn't say anything, but she knew what that meant.  
  
"You hungry?" he said at last, breaking the atmosphere gradually building up in the apartment. "I don't have the same pizza man as you but-  
  
"That's fine," she broke in. "Order what you want. You know me, I'll eat anything at the moment so long as it's got tomato and a whole lotta stringy cheese on it."  
  
He smiled at her. "Gotcha," he said, heading for the phone.  
  
********************  
  
"See you tomorrow Mulder," she said peering through the thick glass in the car door. "Thanks again."  
  
As the car drove off into the evening rain, Scully slowly made her way up the stairs into her apartment block. She stood in the hall for a while, contemplating whether it was best to take the elevator or the stairs. I'm never having pizza at Mulder's again, she thought as she pressed the call button for the elevator. I feel like a humpback whale. I hope the lift can hold my weight. She smiled as she realized she was beginning to sound like her partner – he was forever cracking jokes about how one day in the not-so- distant future she would break the car when she climbed into it, and it was a good job that his office was in the basement of the FBI building in case she fell through the floor (at which point she had thrown a file at him). "Mulder really knows how to compliment a girl, "she said to herself.  
  
Riding up in the elevator (without a hitch) she retrieved her keys from the bottom of her bag and, noticing the key to Mulder's apartment, she smiled as she remembered the events of the evening. The lady who had been running the antenatal class, as nice as she was, had given her and Mulder the strangest look when she noticed Mulder's gun under his jacket (which he had 'forgotten' to take off). Scully had teased him on the way back to his apartment about how he could possibly find anything dangerous or threatening at an antenatal class full of 'fat women' (as he so subtly put it). He had slyly reminded her of a case that they worked on together two years ago where a pregnant woman was infact a devil, and her husband went around killing all the devil children he had. He had also commented how she had been acting rather strangely lately. 'Naturally I put it down to hormones,' he had said, driving along the freeway, 'but I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should have a word with that pizza man of yours.' After having had her pillow thrown at him, he had said no more.  
  
She left the elevator, walked the few metres to her apartment and unlocked the door. She decided to have a warm bath before she went to bed and treat herself to the aromatherapy oils she had bought at the weekend. Turning the taps on, she stood and watched the running water as the light danced around on its surface like little specks of gold. Staring at her reflection, Dana thought suddenly of how her life was going to change in a short while, and little luxuries like a bath would be almost impossible without someone's help. Someone she could trust implicitly… Scully smiled as she pictured Mulder holding a screaming, red-faced baby whilst she enjoyed a nice relaxing bath. The thought was wiped from her brain by the shrill ring of the telephone in her bedroom.  
  
"Scully."  
  
"Hey Scully, it's me… Am I disturbing you?"  
  
"No, no. Just running a bath. What's up, Mulder?"  
  
"Nothing really, just checkin' if you and the little guy wanted a lift to work tomorrow."  
  
"Mulder, how do you know it's a boy?"  
  
"Well, you know me Scully. I may be full of useless information, but I'm always right."  
  
"You wanna bet? Have you been walking around like this for 5 months? How do you know what the sex is? Anyway, I'm not going to have this conversation with you right now. A lift would be wonderful, though."  
  
"Ok, I'll be around at say, 7:00?"  
  
"Ok, thanks Mulder. Oh, and I have a proposition for you."  
  
"Oooh, I'm intrigued. Lay it on me."  
  
"Nah, I'll tell you in morning."  
  
"Aw, come on Scully. You gotta tell me now."  
  
"No."  
  
"Scully!"  
  
"See you tomorrow Mulder."  
  
"Fine then. Sleep well little guy," Mulder whispered down the line.  
  
Scully smiled as she replaced the receiver and returned to her bathroom. She slipped off her clothes and carefully climbed into the warm water, soothing away the day's troubles. Sinking down into the water, she closed her eyes and suddenly thought of Emily, the child that had never meant to be. Now Scully was getting a second chance to be a mother, and this time she knew about it. As the warm water ran over her aching limbs, she decided that this time, this second time, she was going to make sure that nothing happened to her child, and that it grew up without a care in the world… 


	2. Mistakes

1.1 Disclaimer- see chapter 1  
  
2 Chapter 2 – Mistakes  
  
2.1  
  
2.2 Scully's Apartment, 6:55am  
  
Mulder tapped gently three times on Scully's door, to let her know that he was there.  
  
"Who is it?" came the reply.  
  
"It's me. You ready to roll?"  
  
"Yeah, come on in Mulder. I'm just getting my stuff together. The door's unlocked."  
  
He opened the door and spotted Scully emerging from the bathroom. He suddenly stopped and whistled loudly in surprise. "Wow Scully, is it me or have you put on a couple a hundred pounds overnight?!"  
  
Scully looked down at her belly (which, she had to admit, was looking rather large), smiled and flung the bag she was holding at Mulder's stomach. He caught it roughly and winced in feigned pain. "Well," he said, recovering, "I knew women were prone to mood swings, but this is-  
  
Before he finished the sentence Scully grabbed a cushion from the sofa, intending to whack him with it, but Mulder raised his hands in surrender and they both began to laugh. She replaced the cushion and picked up keys up off the kitchen table. Opening the door, she let Mulder walk through and locked it behind her.  
  
As they walked together through the dimly lit corridor, they discussed the case that AD Skinner had recently assigned them. A 45-year-old man had reported his wife missing 2 weeks ago. The only thing he remembered seeing was a woman, riding away into the night sky upon (what appeared to be) a horse. Mulder believed this to be a Valkyrie, a dark angel of death and sinister spirit of slaughter belonging to Norse mythology, who, with her companions, rode over battlefields and through stormclouds upon their winged steeds, like birds of prey. Scully, as always, had her doubts about Mulder's view of events, but so far she had been unable to disprove his elaborate theory and so tried to listen carefully to what he was saying about these Valkyries. They were still discussing it as they clambered into Mulder's car.  
  
"Mulder, why does it have to be a Valkyrie? I mean, for once in your life can't you just look at the rational side of things, just for the sake of argument?"  
  
"Scully, how many times have we had this conversation?" he said, turning the keys in the ignition. "If I did that I would be lying to you and to myself. Don't forget your seatbelt," he commented, noticing Scully's stomach. "Besides, this man, Mr Jackson, knows what he saw Scully. Why would he lie?"  
  
"Because he wants to cover up what he's done, Mulder. Have you stopped to think yet that this man may have actually killed his wife and he's just making this story up to protect himself? I checked his medical records and he does have a long mental history. Or maybe he was hallucinating. It was late at night and he was worried about his wife. The rational-  
  
"Oh, there's that word again! Scully, why is this so hard to believe after all that we've seen?" He stopped at some traffic lights.  
  
"Because, Mulder, if I did, then I would be lying to myself and to you."  
  
Mulder glanced across at her and they looked at each other. After a long silence in which a thousand silent messages flew between them, they both smiled. Mulder pulled out of traffic lights as Scully continued to smile at him. Suddenly his eyes widened and he pushed himself back in his seat. She frowned. "Mulder, wha-  
  
"Scully, hold on!' he yelled.  
  
Before she could react, Scully heard a screech of tyres and saw a red blur hurtling towards them. It hit Mulder's car with unimaginable force and Scully screamed as the car began to flip over. She felt Mulder's arms over her as she covered her head with her hands, protecting her. The windscreen and Mulder's window smashed, showering them with tiny shards of glass. "Mulder!" Scully screamed as the car continued to roll. There was a loud bang and the car landed upright but continued to spin on the road. They were heading towards a wall a full speed and she grabbed Mulder's hand, terrified. Closer, closer. She shut her eyes and prepared herself for the impact. The last thing she remembered was hearing Mulder yell her name. Then the world went black.  
  
  
  
*************************  
  
Mulder opened his eyes as the dust began to settle around them. His head hurt and he felt the warm trickle of blood down his leg. He went to put his hands to his face when he realized he was holding Scully's. He slowly turned to look at her.  
  
"Scully?" he whispered. "Scully? Are you ok?" No reply. "Scully? Scully!" Mulder's calls to her became more and more frantic. He put his other hand to her neck to feel for a pulse. "Thank God," he said as he felt a beat beneath his fingers. She was just unconscious. He kept a hold of her hand; he wasn't going to let go. He wasn't going to lose her. "Scully, can you hear me? Damit, she needs to get to a hospital." Slowly, he began to take in the world around him and realized that people were screaming and shouting. A young woman, around Scully's height, ran up to the car.  
  
"You ok?"  
  
"No, we need to get to a hospital as soon as possible. Call 911. Please, this woman's pregnant and we need to get her checked out." Mulder's head was pounding but he tried to block out the pain and concentrate on Scully. "Scully? Scully can you hear me? We're gonna get you to the hospital. Just hold on." He gripped her hand tightly and kept talking to her as the minutes passed. After a while, as he heard the unmistakable sound of sirens in the background, Scully began to stir. She slowly moved her head and groaned under her breath.  
  
"Mulder?"  
  
"I'm here Scully. Don't worry, the ambulance is here."  
  
"Mulder, what happened?"  
  
"I don't know, I can't really remember much. Don't worry about that now. We just got to concentrate on getting you to the hospital."  
  
Suddenly, Scully jerked in her seat. "Mulder, my baby! Is my baby alright? Oh God!" she cried. "Mulder-  
  
"Listen, you'll be ok." He leant over and put his hand on her face reassuringly, continuing to grip her hand with the other. Suddenly, the pain in his head hit him all at once and he bent forward in agony.  
  
"Mulder? What's wrong? Let me see."  
  
"It's my head. I must of hit it. Oh God, it hurts." He turned to Scully so that she could look at him. She gently put her hands to his head and turned it round.  
  
"Oh God. Mulder, keep still and try not to touch your head."  
  
"What is it?" he said, shakily.  
  
"You have a piece of glass in your head. It's not large, but you should leave it alone until we get to the hospital."  
  
Mulder leant back in his seat and groaned. He trusted Scully, but he didn't really want to sit there with a piece of glass in his head. They sat there together in silence for a while, reflecting on what had just happened. He heard Scully sigh next to him and her grip on his hand loosened. Turning to look at her, her eyes had closed. "Scully?" A paramedic ran up to what was left of the window and yelled through to Mulder.  
  
"Ok, stay calm. We're going to get you out of there. Is she ok?" he said, pointing to Scully.  
  
"I don't know, she just lost consciousness again. She's 5 months pregnant."  
  
"Right, ok. How are you? I can see you have some glass in your head."  
  
"Yeah, and my leg is bleeding. Please, is she going to be ok?" Mulder said, his eyes beginning to well up, something that didn't happen to him very often.  
  
"What's her name?"  
  
"Dana Scully."  
  
"And yours sir?"  
  
"Um, Mulder, F-Fox Mulder," he said, staring at the limp form of his partner. He pushed a bloodstained strand of auburn hair away from her delicate face and frowned at the look of peace that she displayed. She looked like an angel, a peaceful angel. Why did this have to happen to her, he thought. She doesn't deserve this. She's been through so much. If anything happens to her I'll never forgive myself. It's all my fault. I'm not going to let it end like this.  
  
*******  
  
  
  
AN: cheers for the reviews guys! I think my friends thought I'd gone mad (no change there then!) when I screamed "I'VE GOT A REVIEW!!!!" but it's a really great feeling to know someone has read and actually likes your story! Thanks again! (especially to Haz and Lils who hate X-Files, but reviewed it anyway!) 


	3. Broken

Chapter 3 - Broken  
  
Disclaimer: See Chapter1  
  
AN: Ok, so X-Files regulars should recognize some events in this chapter. For the rest of you, I'll explain at the end!!  
  
Mulder walked slowly down the corridor; his head hung low and his mind was weighed down with so many thoughts and emotions. He was heading towards the ICU to see Scully. He had not seen her since they were separated on entering the hospital. The piece of glass in his head had been removed; it was a shallow surface wound that was not serious, and the gash in his leg had been bandaged up. The nurse that saw to his leg had told him of Scully's condition, and he had immediately demanded to see her. Following the corridor round the corner, he walked through the doors into the ICU center. Spotting a doctor nearby, he quietly asked where Scully was and followed the man's directions to a small room. Mulder looked through the window and saw that Scully was propped up slightly, with an array of wires emanating from her. She was awake. He took a deep breath and slowly turned the door handle.  
  
Scully turned to look at him walking through the door, and her face lit up for the mearest of seconds. Then it returned to an expression of the deepest sorrow. Mulder walked towards her, his eyes welling up for the second time as Scully began to break down into tears. He sat beside her on her bed and enveloped her small frame into his arms as she began to sob uncontrollably. Mulder never really ever showed his emotions to Scully, but this time he was overwhelmed by them and began to cry with her.  
  
"My baby," she sobbed, "I lost my baby Mulder." Her crying became louder. "My baby."  
  
"I know," he whispered, "I know." He held her tightly as the tears rolled out of her blue eyes, knowing that nothing he could say could comfort her. She just needed his companionship, his embrace, his understanding. He wasn't going to leave her. The doctor had told him that the impact had been too much for the baby to cope with and it had died inside her. The pain, both emotionally and physically, must have been unbearable for Scully when she woke up to discover that her baby had been removed so as to pose no risk to herself. She felt empty inside. Everything had been perfect just a few hours previously…it didn't bear thinking about. He couldn't even imagine what she was going through  
  
Mulder kissed her gently on her forehead and rested his head on top of hers. Scully buried her face into his chest and continued to cry. They sat there together like that for a while; their souls comforted each other with better words and thoughts than anyone could have hit upon.  
  
As the light dimmed outside the window, Scully's crying softened and her breathing became more relaxed. Mulder continued to hold her; protecting her from the world. He was lost in thought when he felt Scully relax in his arms. Turning round, he lay her back down onto her bed.  
  
"Don't leave me Mulder," she whispered in a voice hardly audible, turning to look at him.  
  
He looked into her eyes and held her gaze. "I'm not going anywhere," he said, wiping the tears away from her face and sitting down in a chair next to the bed. She closed her eyes as he dried them and reached for his hand as it ran over her face. Scully gripped it tightly and brought it down to her side where her other hand was holding Mulder's. He watched for over an hour as Scully slowly drifted into a peaceful sleep. She still looked like a peaceful angel, but one that had the weight of the world upon her shoulders. Mulder laid his head on the sheets next to her and listened to her slow breathing. It relaxed him; and he began to drift off to sleep himself. But there was one image that was preventing him from doing so – the image of Scully as he had seen her at her apartment that very morning, walking through her bedroom door holding her bump, with a smile that radiated happiness and that captured his heart. She had never been so happy. Neither had he – seeing her smile made him feel warm inside. Now all that had changed. And he was responsible.  
  
A long droning noise pierced into his thoughts, jumbling them up. It annoyed him, like a fly constantly buzzing round his head. Lifting his eyes groggily, he realized that the droning noise was coming from a machine next to him – Scully's heart monitor. Mulder immediately sprang up from his chair.  
  
"Scully? Scully!" Panicking, he yelled for a doctor and tried to rouse Scully with his voice. A doctor ran into the room, closely followed by a nurse with a crash unit. He was pushed out of the way as they worked on Scully, and all he could do was stand there and hope for the best. After several minutes, and lots of shouting, Scully's heart was shocked into action again. Mulder immediately ran forward to grab her hand. The doctor turned and blocked his way.  
  
"I'm sorry sir, I'm going to have to ask you to wait outside whilst we stabilize her. It may take a while."  
  
"Is she going to be ok?" Mulder asked, peering over the doctor's shoulder.  
  
"I should think so, but we just need to check her out and establish why she crashed. Please sir, if you'll just take a seat outside," he said pointing to the door. "There's a coffee machine down the corridor if you wish to use it."  
  
After a final glance at Scully, he looked at the doctor. "Just look after her, won't you?" he said with a serious face. "She's been through a lot." With that he left the room and closed the door behind him.  
  
******************************  
  
She was floating, gently drifting in the boat. In front of her was an array of faces that she didn't recognize. She looked around her. The lake was surrounded by a wooded area…it seemed eerily familiar. She had been here a long time ago. Why? That she couldn't remember. What was she doing here now?  
  
The water was still and melancholy. It was like a mirror, showing the truth in everything it saw. She looked into it and saw the reflection not of herself, but of a person very close to her. She reached her hand out to the picture, but it swirled gently into the depths below her, moving away from her. 'Don't leave me,' she thought. But they had gone, the reflection and the people on the bank. And she was all alone.  
  
*******************************  
  
Mulder found it difficult to carry the coffee – his hands were still shaking. Nevertheless, he made it back up to the ICU unit where Scully was and sat down on a chair outside the room. He didn't even want a coffee. Placing it down beside him, he leant back in the chair and rolled his head back. His head was still pounding – either from pain or shock, he didn't know – and it bothered him. He was so tired. Now staring at the ceiling, he felt his eyes beginning to droop. He didn't fight them, and fell into a restless sleep.  
  
His dreams weren't much of a comfort. He was back in the car, after the crash. Scully was unconscious next to him and blood was running down her seat. There were people surrounding the car, shouting. Why was no one helping them? He looked at Scully again. Her face was twisted in pain and he wished he could help her. His head was still pounding, deep inside. He wished he could turn the pain off.  
  
"Um…sir?"  
  
He looked out the car window. No one was talking to him. Who had said that?  
  
"Sir?" He felt a hand on his shoulder as someone shook him gently out of his dream. He groaned and sat up in his seat. The doctor who had treated Scully was standing over him. Mulder smiled.  
  
"Sorry, guess I'm a bit tired," he said, running his fingers through his hair and grimacing as he accidentally touched his wound. "How is she?" he asked standing up and stretching.  
  
"Well…uh…she's stable and we haven't had any more problems, but uh…"  
  
"What? What's the problem?" Mulder said, staring the doctor in the eye.  
  
"She uh…well, she…"  
  
Mulder pushed past him and opened the door to Scully's room, Rushing to her bedside, he looked at her. She was asleep, and he couldn't see anything visibly wrong with her.  
  
"What's wrong with her?" he asked, turning round to face the doctor.  
  
The doctor sighed and looked down at his feet. "She's slipped into a coma," he said simply.  
  
Mulder's heart froze. He turned to face Scully and slid down into the chair beside her bed. She looked so perfect. He cleared his throat shakily. "Um…well, how long has she been like this? Will she come out of it?"  
  
"It's hard to say," he replied, shrugging his shoulders. "I wish I could tell you more, but each case is different. It could be two hours, it could be two months. As long as we keep her stable, the only thing we can really do is hope for the best." After a final glance at Scully, he retreated slowly out of the door to leave them alone. "Feel free to talk to her. She can probably hear you," the doctor said, closing the door.  
  
Mulder turned to face her, his head buzzing with thoughts; this had all happened so fast. Everything just seemed like a dream – he wished that it were. Stroking her face with his fingers, he began to speak softly to her.  
  
*********************************  
  
Staring down into the immeasurable depths, her mind afire with confused thoughts and memories, she heard a voice. Close it seemed, yet somehow far away, like she couldn't reach out to it. She looked to the bank.  
  
"Scully? Scully, can you hear me?" said the bodiless voice.  
  
"I can hear you Mulder. Where are you?" She looked around.  
  
"Scully? God, I feel stupid. Well, I hope you can hear me cos otherwise I'm wasting my breath."  
  
"Mulder, I can hear you! Where are you? Mulder?" She could hear nothing. Where was he? Couldn't he hear her?  
  
The voice broke in again. "I um… I don't know what to say really. Today has been such a blur for me. I can't imagine what it's been like for you. There is one thing I'd like to read to you though…um…it's a poem that I found the other day and I think it uh, well, it explains how I feel anyway. Especially now. I hope that you're listening."  
  
"Mulder, I'm here! Stop being so stupid!" She could see him now, stood on the bank. He was staring blankly in front of him. "Mulder, look at me! What are you doing?"  
  
"Oh, hey…ok. I gotta go. The doctor needs to check you out. I'll see you soon ok?" She could hear his voice wavering with emotion.  
  
"Mulder don't leave me here!" Her eyes filled with tears. Why couldn't he hear her? He began to walk back into the woods. "Mulder? Mulder help me! Please Mulder! MULDER!" He was gone. She sank back into the boat, sobbing into her lap.  
  
She was alone again.  
  
*************************************  
  
"I'm sorry to interrupt you sir, it's just that we need to do a routine check."  
  
"That's ok. I was just going anyway," Mulder replied, scratching at his head. "If anything happens, give me a call."  
  
The doctor nodded. "Of course."  
  
Mulder kissed Scully's forehead gently and then left the room without a second glance, for he feared it might destroy him.  
  
The journey back to his apartment was difficult; his mind was so full he couldn't concentrate on what was going on around him. It took him 20 minutes just to hail a cab. The dull throbbing inside his head continued to annoy him. He wanted to be with her but he desperately needed some rest and a change of clothes (since the ones he was wearing were still stained with his and Scully's blood and ripped by glass).  
  
As he walked down the corridor to his apartment, he felt his legs weakening beneath him as tiredness began to overcome him. Mulder unlocked his door and, as he pushed it shut, the trauma of the day finally engulfed him and he slid to the floor as tears flowed out of his tired, red eyes. Leaning against the door, he pulled his knees to his chest and cried into the dark night, until no more tears came and he drifted to sleep  
  
  
  
AN: Thanks for the reviews everyone! I'm so proud!!!  
  
Now, for those of you who don't get the whole floating-in-a-boat thing, here's why I used it.  
  
Aliens abducted Scully in one of the earlier seasons of the X-Files, and when she returned she was in a coma. She was then shown floating in a boat in a lake, unaware of what was happening around her. The people who came to visit her bedside appeared in the scene on the shore (they of course could not see the whole boat thing). So here, as Scully is in a coma again, I thought it would be appropriate to use this scenario again to show what is happening to her. If you still don't get it, then don't worry because it's not that important anyway!!! 


	4. Patience

1.1 Disclaimer: See chapter 1  
  
1.2 Chapter4 - Patience  
  
1.3  
  
1.4 Two weeks later  
  
1.5 Mulder's apartment, 11:35am  
  
Carrying the mug of coffee back to his couch, Mulder set it down on the table and began sorting through the huge pile of folders and papers he had slung there on walking into the apartment a few minutes previously. He was still on the case that Skinner had assigned him and Scully, but he was not 'officially' due back at work until Monday, and so he had popped into his office that morning to pick up the paperwork and files and mull over them. Now sipping the coffee, he looked at a picture of a Valkyrie that he had found in a book of Norse mythology. Maybe Scully was right. Maybe his story was a bit far-fetched. Still, he might as well check it out being as he had nothing else to do with his time.  
  
He himself felt ready to go back to work, but, as he still complained of a dull ache in his head, Skinner had decided that he should have another week off. Scully's condition had not changed. He popped into the hospital every day to see how she was doing and update her as to the goings-on in his life (not that there was much to tell, investigating the paranormal isn't exactly a weekdays 9-to-5 kinda job and Mulder had given up on his social life about 8 years ago). He had talked a lot to her about how he felt responsible for what had happened to her – at least this way she wouldn't answer back. He still hadn't read her the poem he had found, although he kept it in his pocket all the time. He just didn't have the guts to do it. He felt stupid.  
  
Mulder couldn't help but feel that every day that Scully lay in that hospital bed, the further she slipped away from him. The longer she stayed in a coma, the less likely she was actually going to wake up. It made him more and more depressed, and it was also very frustrating. Although he didn't like to admit it, he had spent many a night just crying himself to sleep, convinced that she was never going to wake up. He felt so helpless – she had helped him back from the brink so many times and he had saved her countless times more, but this was a situation where manly bravery and a good shot couldn't help. Compared to Scully, he had a very limited knowledge of medicine and had no idea of what her chances were or what could help. He just had to sit back and wait. He could almost see Scully stood in front of him saying to "patience is a virtue, Mulder," and he smiled.  
  
Perhaps Skinner was right and he really wasn't ready to go back to the FBI just yet. Lying back onto the couch, he realized that he wasn't feeling so great today. The pain in his head had come back again and he thought that it felt more intense than before. The doctor had said to him that he would experience headaches for a couple of weeks, but Mulder wasn't sure if this was right. The pain was changing…  
  
He couldn't function at work without knowing that Scully was ok. Throwing his pen onto the table, he realized that even if she woke up today, it would be a long time before she had the physical and mental strength to go back to work. She was going to need his support and he had to be prepared for that. He just wished that his head would stop buzzing. It felt as if someone was blowing up a tiny balloon inside his head, really slowly. That was the only way he could think of to describe it. Damit Mulder, cut the crap, he told himself. Go and see a doctor.  
  
"Ok, thanks." He put down the receiver and wrote on the back of his hand the details of the appointment he had just arranged: 3:00 this afternoon, Dr. Foster. Mulder decided that a game of basketball would take his mind off things and he walked into his bedroom to grab a change of clothes. I'll pop in and Scully on the way there, he thought. Maybe she'll set my mind at ease.  
  
Grabbing his basketball from under the couch and his jacket from the door, Mulder left his apartment and locked the door behind him. The poem was still in his pocket - maybe he'd read it to her today. Maybe he wouldn't.  
  
****************************************  
  
"Ok Scully, I guess I'll see you tomorrow. I'm off to shoot some hoops now, and then I'm off to the doc's at three to sort this head of mine out." He smiled. "Actually, people have been telling me to do that for years." He looked at her, half expecting to see her smile. Her face remained expressionless still. He stood up and stretched half-heartedly. "Right then, I'm off." Mulder leaned down and kissed her gently on the cheek. "Seeya Scully."  
  
Stepping outside of her room and shutting the door slowly, he smiled at a nurse walking past him and headed off down the stairs to the car park. I wonder what Scully is dreaming about, he thought to himself as he started down the long flight.  
  
*********  
  
She sat now, thinking over what he had just told her. She could see his face in the water next to her. When she reached out to touch it, the water rippled, but the face remained. Always there. Always watching her. But now the image began to swirl, faster and faster until it began to disappear into the murky depths of the lake. She lifted her head off her hands.  
  
"Mulder?"  
  
Suddenly it clicked in her head. She gasped, half in shock, half in exasperation. How could she not think of this before? She was a trained medical doctor for goodness sake. The image in the water next to her was still moving as all the thoughts rushed through her mind. He knew there was something wrong with him; he had arranged to go to the doctor. His words echoes faintly inside her head; 'I dunno, it feels like there is a lot if pressure in there-like I've got about ten headaches all at once and they are getting worse and worse. It's annoying.' She sat bolt upright in the boat and began to yell.  
  
"Mulder! Mulder come back! Mulder, where are you?" The image in the water was hardly visible now. She stood up and continued to yell. "Mulder!" She had to do something. "Mulder! Mulder listen to me!" Her voice was beginning to go hoarse. "Mulder!"  
  
******  
  
"Sheila, do you want to routine Miss Scully?" asked her doctor. "I gotta 2 o'clock consultancy. Do you mind?"  
  
The young nurse swore under her breath and turned around. "Of course not," she said smiling sweetly. "Anything for you, Dr Legg." She turned and began to make her way down the corridor. Sheila knew he was disappearing outside for a cigarette. "Ass-hole."  
  
There were no visitors in Miss Scully's room so she entered quietly. Picking up the chart from the end of the bed, she grabbed a pen from her pocket as she read the last recorded details. She sighed as she skim-read the medical history. "You poor woman." Her heart monitor bleeped quietly next to her bed and Sheila noted the readings onto the chart. She decided to take her temperature, just to check she wasn't overheating – it was over 100 degrees outside today. Leaning over to put the thermometer into her mouth, she noticed (what looked like) a tear, rolling slowly down Miss Scully's cheek. Sheila wiped it away gently and retrieved a tissue from her pocket to dry her eyes. She was careful to avoid the healing wounds on the young woman's face.  
  
The eyes opened.  
  
"Where's Mulder?" 


	5. Words

Disclaimer: see chapter, and "When She Loved Me" belongs to Walt Disney Records/Pixar  
  
Chapter5 - Words  
  
Scully looked around, still dazed. She tried to sit up. "Where's Mulder?" she repeated to the figure stood over her. "Where am I?" The nurse almost screamed in surprise. She cleared her throat. "Miss Scully, you're in Georgetown Memorial Hospital. You were in a road traffic accident two weeks ago." Her eyes widened. "Two weeks ago?" The nurse nodded slowly. "You slipped into a coma a few hours after you were brought in." Scully put her hand to her stomach. "I remember. Mulder was taking me to.Mulder!" She tried to sit up again. "Mulder.I have to talk to him. Where is he?" "Miss Scully," said the nurse sternly, pushing her back down on the bed, "you must stay in bed. You've just woken up from- "I know, dammit! You don't understand," she said, her voice wavering, "I must find him. It is urgent. He can't have gone far, he only left a while ago. He knows something is wrong." "Miss Scully, I know it is important but- "It's not important, it's imperative!" she shouted. "Fine, if you won't do it then just bring me a phone." "Miss Scully- "Look, do you want to be responsible for a man's death? I certainly don't, and I'll be damned if it's going to be my partner's. His life is in danger, he needs immediate medical attention. And I'm a trained medical doctor so don't even think about questioning my judgement," she said, pointing a shaking finger at the nurse. After a few tense seconds, the nurse exited the room, muttering something about fetching a phone for her. Scully sat back on the bed and tapped her fingers impatiently. Sighing heavily, she looked to the door and said, "Hold on Mulder."  
  
******************************************************  
  
Raleigh, North Carolina  
  
One week later  
  
10:01am  
  
It was a cool day; the air was crisp enough to send a shiver down Scully's back. She walked slowly across the path, weaving her way in and out of the flowers. She could name some of them, and she stooped to look at a tiny bluebell as it swayed in the wind. Life is so special, she thought, yet if I stood on this flower now or ripped the head off, no one would scream at me or call me a murderer. But I would've just killed something - surely that deserves punishment? Scully heard footsteps behind her, but she did not rise to meet them. She knew who it was. "You ready Dana?" She took one last look at the bluebell. "Yes."  
  
The service had been short; Mulder had always said he didn't want much fuss (although some times he did say it would be cool to be cryogenically frozen for the next millennium, a comment which Scully had taken with a pinch of salt at the time). Of course, the fact that he had been in the Beaurau meant that he had had an honorable service, and now as Dana stood by herself and looked down into the ground at his coffin, over which draped the American flag, she thought of their eight years together and all they had achieved. Life with Mulder had always been, as he liked to put it, 'unusual.' He devoted his life to finding the truth ("It's out there somewhere!"), had a non-existent social life ("Seeing you every day is enough for me") and watched pornography ("I've already told you, they're not mine!"). But Scully had to admit, it had been a hell of a time, and she wouldn't have missed it for the world. "Hey Mulder," she said, the flag gently moving in the breeze, "hope you enjoyed the show. Didn't freeze you and all, but it was nice." She fiddled with the button on her jacket. "There was, uh, a few things I wanted to say to you before I go." "Mulder.I know when you said to me that I made you a whole person, that I saved you, that you were telling the truth. But I have still always felt that I have held you back, and now I realize that more than ever. I want you to know that I have never, and will never, blame you for what has happened to me. What happened on that morning was not your fault. God, if we had left just one second earlier, just one second, none of this would have happened. It destroyed me, it destroyed you.your beautiful mind. You are, without doubt, the best friend I have ever had Mulder. It's more than just being partners, being able to rely on each other when one of us was in danger, or if one of us needed a boost when a case was going badly; and it's more than simply our contrasting styles which, ironically, complemented each other perfectly. What it is, I think, is a silent signal inside me that let me know that whatever else changed, whatever else happened, Mulder would always be there for me when he had to be. One way or another. You saved me too, Mulder. In every way a person can be saved. If I was ever afraid, I knew you were always two steps behind me with a witty comment to keep me on my toes. I miss that, you always being around me I mean," she said quickly, "the remarks I don't really miss," she said, smiling. Pulling a piece of paper from her pocket, she felt her eyes begin to well up, but she was determined not to cry. "The, uh, the nurses at the hospital, they gave me everything you had on you last week and I found this poem. I know you wanted to read it to me, and now I know why." Her voice was beginning to waver. "But I'm going to read it to you now, and I hope you'll appreciate what it means to me as well."  
  
"When somebody loved me, Everything was beautiful. Every hour we spent together Lives within my heart. And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears. And when she was happy, So was I. When she loved me.  
  
Through the summer and the fall, We had each other, that was all. Just she and I together, Like it was meant to be. And we she was lonely, I was there to comfort her. And I knew that She loved me.  
  
So the years went by, I stayed the same. But she began to drift away, I was left alone. Still I waited for the day, When she'd say, "I will always love you."  
  
Lonely and forgotten Never thought she'd look my way. But she smiled at me, and held me Just like she used to do. Like she loved me. When she loved me.  
  
When somebody loved me, Everything was beautiful. Every hour we spent together Lives within my heart. When she loved me."  
  
"Well," she said, clearing her throat and wiping her eyes, "you don't have to wait any longer." She looked at the photo of them together that she held in her hand. "I will always love you Mulder."  
  
Light drizzle began to trickle down Scully's neck as the rain clouds set upon North Carolina. She put the piece of paper back in her pocket and gathered her thoughts for a moment. Taking one last look at her partner's resting place, she looked towards the heavens for comfort and walked slowly away into the afternoon rain, her whole world at rest in the coffin behind her.  
  
THE END  
  
  
  
A/N: Ok guys, I firstly wanted to apologise for not updating for goodness- knows-how-many-months; I know how annoying it is! I had some exams at the end of last year, then went on holiday and now I'm back at school again and experiencing the chaos also known as 'applying to university!' *sigh* I know this was a short chapter and a short fanfic, but I hope you all really liked it cos I loved writing it! I have loads of ideas for new ones and will get started as soon as I can. Thanks for all your great feedback, and thanks to the X-Files for 9 years of quality entertainment! M & S 4eva! 


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